A Caffeinated Catastrophe
by tie-dye-flag
Summary: It's just a normal morning for the crew of the S.S. Linebeck-until the spirit of power discovers a large pot of unguarded coffee. With Leaf stuck on a caffeine high and running amuck on Mercay Island , it's up to Link and his friends to catch up to the fairy and make him come to his senses.


**Obviously, I do not own The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass or it's characters. They belong to Nintendo.**

* * *

The morning sun poured into the small crew hold of the S.S. Linebeck through the circular porthole. Shadows draped behind the wooden side table and chair while light spread out elsewhere. As the sea flowed around the hull from the outside, the rope hammock inside swung lazily back and forth. A small figure with blonde hair buried itself under a thick blue blanket, trying to delay the morning ritual of getting out of bed. Nuzzled in the crane of his neck were two glowing orbs with translucent wings, one yellow and one blue.

Slowly a pair of cyan wings perked up like an animal's ears. The fairy carefully fluttered up from the bed and blearily stared at the still sleeping boy and yellow fairy. Normally, being the early riser of the gang, Neri would lightly poke at her companions until they awoke, but this time she remained still.

Something wasn't right.

Something was missing.

_Someone_ was missing.

"Where's Leaf…?" Neri asked the open air. Trying to remain calm, she glanced about the cramped room, but found no clues to the red fairy's whereabouts.

_CRASH! BANG! KA-THUMP!_

A series of chaotic echoes interrupted the spirit of wisdom from her thoughts. Puzzled, she flew to the door, pushed it open, and peeked to the other side. No sooner had she opened the door wide enough for her to squeeze through did a red blur rush past her.

"Hey hey hey good morning good morning good morning world glad to be awake-"

"L-L-Leaf…?" Neri stuttered. The red fairy was literally bouncing off the walls like a hyperactive ping pong ball, leaking unbroken sentences at a mile a minute.

"No time to wait let's go let's get up get up up UP!"

With no hesitation, he roughly bounced on Link's head, still rambling on the importance of waking up. By the second bounce, the hero was awake, trying to shield his head.

"Ow-ow-ow, okay, I'm up, I'm up!" Link clumsily rolled out of the hammock, nearly crashing onto the floor. Ciela followed suit, but zipping hazily up in the air.

"Hey, what's the big id-"

"Morning Ciela morning and morning to Link and-" Leaf babbled crazily. After spinning in circles, he vanished from the room, flying past the cracked door at top speed.

"…Did…something happen to Leaf?" Ciela looked at Neri, expecting a reasonable explanation. However, the normally wise spirit merely shrugged her wings.

"You're guess is as good as mine. I woke up like I always do, and the next thing I know he's bouncing off the walls…literally."

"He's more hyper than a kid on a sugar high." The spirit of courage flew past the door and gazed at her surroundings. Leaf's energetic chaos still vibrated through the air from another room-the kitchen area, by the sounds of it. With caution and curiosity, she flew around the stairs-the only thing separating the kitchen from the rest of the ship- and peeked inside.

Leaf crashed about the walls, banging into pans hanging on the wall and wooden cabinets. At one point he hit the counter at a right angle, narrowly missing the coffee pot.

Which was bone dry.

"…Oh no…"

"What's wrong?" Link piped up, who had now caught up with his fairy friend. Neri hovered right behind him, thirsty for an answer.

"You know how Linebeck always brews a pot of coffee by now?" Ciela began.

"Yeah…?"

"Well, I think Leaf, uh, drank it all."

"…What? You mean the whole pot?!" Neri nearly shouted.

Ciela gestured with her body language towards the empty coffee pot. The blue fairy flew closer for inspection, staring at the polished glass. Not a drop sat inside. Nothing but the fresh scent of recent coffee remained. Usually at this time of day it would be two thirds full, with the final portion in Linebeck's cup or stomach.

"If Leaf drank that much coffee, then…whoa." Neri whispered, not daring to imagine having that much caffeine in her own tiny body.

Meanwhile, Leaf's continued to run amuck in his crazy state of mind, rushing past the un-caffeinated trio and up the stairs leading to the deck.

"Hey! Leaf, wait!" Ciela shouted. She zipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs with Link and Neri behind her.

Intense sunlight greeted her as she broke out into the sea air. A few stray clouds skimmed the cornflower blue sky above the cobalt sea. The S.S. Linebeck swayed back and forth, docked to the Mercay Island port. Leaf, however, was nowhere in sight. The only living thing on the deck was the cowardly captain Linebeck, sleepily leaning over the rope railing while holding a half empty cup of coffee.

"Linebeck!" Ciela flew over to his side. "Which way did Leaf go?!"

"Dunno…" He grumbled and took a sip of dark liquid from his cup.

"Are you even awake…?" Link tugged at the man's coat sleeve.

"Who cares…" The captain barely batted an eye.

"Linebeck, this is urgent; Leaf drank the rest of your coffee and going beserk on a caffeine high. If we don't catch him, then…" Neri cut her rant short, realizing the captain wasn't paying her a rupee of attention.

"I guess it's time for the heavy artillery…" Ciela sighed. She glared at Link for a brief moment before commanding, "You and Neri are not to tell _anyone_ what I'm about to do; understand?"

The boy and blue fairy exchanged confused looks before nodding to her. Ciela flew over to Linebeck's shoulder, cleared her throat, and took a deep breath.

"Look, it's Jolene in a bikini!" She shouted into his ear.

His reaction was immediate; instantly spitting out his coffee with a tomato red face. "What? Where? Where?!" He whipped his head back and forth before he came to his senses.

"That wasn't funny, sparkles!"

"We had to wake you up and your coffee wasn't doing it, so we had to bring in the big guns!" Ciela protested before adding slyly, "But it _was_ a bit funny…"

"Well, look at what your little joke did!" Linebeck barked as he waved his empty cup at her. "You made me spill the rest of my espresso!"

"Wait-you mean the coffee pot had _espresso_?!" Neri cringed, hoping that it wasn't true. However, the captain nodded without hesitation.

"Yeah, when my insomnia gets really bad, I brew some of this stuff instead. Why?"

"Then this is worse than I thought…"

"Eh? What's worse?" Linebeck raised an eyebrow.

"Leaf drank the rest of your cof-I mean espresso and is literally bouncing off the walls." Link then stared at his feet. "Or was. He flew out here."

"You mean that red ball of fluff finished off _my_ espresso?!" The captain's bleary eyes grew wide. "Where is he now?!"

"That's what we want to know!" Ciela flew in front of him, frustrated. "We just asked you that a minute ago!"

Linebeck opened his mouth to retort, but before a word could pass his lips, a loud crash from the distance cut through the air, followed by some angry shouting.

"What the hell is that?!" The captain leaned over the railing to get a better look. In the distance he could spot Mercay Island's famed Milk Bar, and zipping out an open window was the spirit of power, jerking through the air and still prattling a million words a second.

"Whoa… looks pretty bad."

"Tell me about it," Link rubbed his head where Leaf had jumped on before.

"Standing around here won't do any good," Neri said. "We've got to catch him before he hurts himself!"

* * *

The tide slid back and forth above the white sand, leaving moisture in its wake. A few clumps of seaweed and curious seashells littered the ground. Every time the water lapped the shore, the soft white hands of foam would paw at the smooth ground, attempting to bring grains of sand back into the ocean. When the tide retreated, any water caught in Linebeck's footprints was abandoned on the beach.

"Damn, where'd the little nuisance go?" He muttered as the sea breeze combed through his messy locks. Neri's orders still echoed through his mind as he plodded forward.

_"Okay, we have no idea where Leaf went off to, but he probably has enough sense to stay on the island at least. If we split up and search the place, then we're bound to find him sooner or later."_

The spirit of wisdom suggested the captain should scour the shoreline for any trace of Leaf, with Link and the fairies searching the rest of the island. So far, no red, annoying, adrenalized spirit of power in sight.

"Pesky little midget…drinking all of my morning joe without my permission…" The captain grumbled. "Honestly, you'd think he'd at least _ask_-"

"HI LINEBECK GOOD MORNING WHAT'S UP!?"

"_Gyah_!" Startled, he tripped over his feet and fell face first into the rough sand. Leaf, still in his delirious trance, used the back of the poor captain's head as a spring board and dashed away.

"Urrgh…" Linebeck lifted his head up, plastered with sand. He clumsily brushed some off his angular face, out of his facial hair, and rubbed it away from his eyes.

"Damnit," He cursed, spitting out sand. "Hey, hold it, Leaf!"

"Hold what sorry I can't gotta go bye bye!" The fairy yelled back. He was a good dozen yards away from Linebeck, who was getting back to his feet.

"Wait, stop!" He shouted, kicking up sand as he ran. "Get back here right now, you coffee thief!"

"Thief what thief I've never stolen anything in my life catch ya' later alligator!"

"Would you just calm down and sit still already?!" Linebeck nearly tripped over a large conch shell, but continued to gallop after Leaf.

"Sit still SIT STILL that's crazy your crazy I'm moving gotta move and gotta go go GO!"

By the end of his sentence, Leaf had reached top speed, and nearly out of Linebeck's sight. The captain slowed down and bent over his knees, panting for breath.

"Huff…huff…" His leg muscles felt like they were replaced with lead. "Jeez, you'd think the caffeine would have worn off by now…"

* * *

A sharp sword cut through the tall green grass, littering the earth with the trimmings. Link emerged from the thick plants and gazed around him. This was the spot where he and Ciela had first run into some monsters-just a handful of red chuchus-and the fog of nostalgia ran through his mind. Strangely, however, no monsters were in sight. The only things loitering around were fresh blades of grass, a few boulders as tall as Link, and some lanky trees with rough bark.

Link scratched his hair, lost in thought. "Okay…If I was Leaf, and had drank way too much coffee, then where would I be…?"

_Bang, bang, BANG!_

A crumbling succession of sounds broke the young hero from his thoughts. Puzzled, he walked in the direction of the sound, approaching a corner. He pressed his back against the steep cliff and cautiously peeked over his shoulder.

Leaf, showing no signs of slowing down, bashed his body into one of the large boulders with so much force the heavy rock began to crumble into a pile of feeble pebbles.

"Yeah yeah yeah rock on rock down go go yeah rock on!" The fiery spirit of power cried with vigor before slamming into another rock a hundred times his size.

"Leaf! There you are!"

"Huh?" Leaf ceased his mad actions for a split second to glance at the boy. "Oh hi Link good to see ya'!" The ruby red fairy then continued to crush the boulder as if the blonde wasn't even there.

"Um…whatcha doing?" Link took a couple of steps closer, trying to properly gain Leaf's full attention.

"Dunno just breaking rocks it's fun you should try it yeah yeah try-"

The boy sweat dropped; he had to think up of some way to get Leaf to either calm down or go back to the ship where he could at least be locked up in a room until the caffeine got out of his system.

"Fun fun fun like a game hey Link wanna play a game?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah a game games are fun fun let's play!"

"Er-okay-um-"Link thought for a second. "H-how about tag?"

Leaf bobbed in the air overflowing with enthusiasm. "Oh YEAH tag that's great awesome even-"

"_It __**is**__ a good idea,"_ Link thought while Leaf jabbered on. "_I can make him 'it' and lead Leaf back to the ship and wear him out with all that running!"_

"Hey tag you're it!" The red fairy suddenly bonked himself against Link's shoulder. Before the blonde could register what had occurred, Leaf was already zipping away from him.

"W-what? Hey, wait! That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Too late now you've gotta catch me if ya' can ha ha!"

* * *

"So you haven't seen him, Grandpa?" Ciela fluttered in front of old Oshus's face.

"No, I'm afraid I have not." His long beard swung back and forth as he nodded sadly. He rubbed his thumb against his conch shell cane as if that would alleviate his worries. "This does sound like quite the predicament…"

"You should have seen him, Grandpa!" The topaz colored fairy cried. "When we woke up, he was just flying around off the walls like a bouncy ball!"

"And chattering nonstop, too." Neri landed on Oshus's staff as she spoke. "I never knew it was possible for anyone to talk so fast…"

A chuckle slipped past Ciela's lips. "He makes Linebeck look like the quiet type! Ha ha!"

"I see…" The Ocean King in disguise merely nodded with the veil of thought over his eyes (if you could see them under his impressive eyebrows, that is). "You don't suppose the caffeine would have subsided by now, do you? I can't help but worry about what kind of trouble Leaf could run into."

"Hard to say…he gulped two thirds of the pot down, and Linebeck said it was a pretty strong espresso, so -"

The banging from the front door cut Neri off. Like in a cartoon, the door caved inside with every knock due to the force from outside.

"Now who on earth is that?" Oshus asked aloud as he made his way to the door. His wrinkly hands undid the lock and turned the knob. When it was barely open a crack, a flash of strident red dove inside.

"'Scuse me Ocean King playing tag gotta run gotta fly gonna win!" Leaf babbled as he flew from one wall to the next.

"W-what in Din's name...?" Oshus's staff nearly slipped from his hand as his eyebrows arched so high one could _almost_ see his eyes.

The door slammed open as Link bashed in. "Leaf! Slow down!"

"Ha me slow down but you're it gotta run gonna fly high!" The powerful spirit bounced off of the walls and rammed into a blue painted pot, crushing it to jagged pieces.

"Leaf! Those were brand new!" The old man shouted as he jabbed his staff into the ground. "At this rate, you're going to tear the whole island apart!"

"Can't stop-" He smashed another pot-" gotta fly"-and another-"wanna win"-and yet another- "yeah yeah yeah!"-and the final standing pot in the home.

"Leaf, stop this nonsense at once!" Oshus commanded. With his long grey hair and beard, he resembled a frustrated dog. Before he could bark again, Link gently patted him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, Oshus. I tried to chase him away from here, but-"

"Guys, DUCK!" Ciela suddenly cried.

"Wha-AH!"

Link and Oshus dove towards the floor as the lively red fairy sped above their heads and out the door, throwing a quick "Nya nya can't catch me can't catch me!" over his wing.

After he vanished, a silence settled into the atmosphere for several long seconds before Oshus sluggishly got to his feet.

"My word…what a mess." He gazed at the countless pieces and shards of broken pottery scattered about his floor. It was anything but a safe haven for barefoot walkers.

"S-sorry, Grandpa. We'll sweep it up for you." Ciela offered. However, Oshus shook his head.

"There's no time for that. Right now you three need to catch up to Leaf and make him come to his senses before he causes a bigger mess."

* * *

Linebeck leaned against a tall tree, scratching his short beard. The sun had risen to the peak of the blue sky, shooting out hot rays of light to the ground below. As a result, the leafy tree provided the weary captain a good source of shade.

He had just spent the past hour and a half scouring the small island village and the path leading to the cursed Temple of the Ocean King (he prayed that the delirious fairy had enough sense to stay out of that ancient tomb, because there was no way _he_ was sticking his nose in there again).

"Why do these things always happen to me, of all people?" He grumbled and heaved a sigh. After a minute of moody mumbling, his pointed ears suddenly perked up.

He could hear a light, familiar jingle approaching.

"_Leaf!"_ Linebeck's face lit up with newfound enthusiasm. _"Ooh, I'm going to catch that little troublemaker once and for all!"_

He stood as straight and silent as the tree behind him, his muscles poised and ready. The sound he knew too well grew louder and closer to the tree. Like a trained hunting dog, he waited until the target got well within his reach, and pounced.

"GOTCHA!" He beamed as his hands tensed around the living thing trapped inside of them.

"Hey, lemme out!"

"Not in a million years, you pipsqueak!" Linebeck barked back at the high pitched squeak.

…a bit too high pitched.

"…Wait a second…" Hesitantly he loosened his grip on his prize. His hands revealed a fairy of yellow, not red.

"Sparkles?!"

"What in Farore's name was that for?!" She fumed in his face. "I could have suffocated in there, or worse!"

"Sorry, sorry, thought you were Leaf." Linebeck apologized apathetically and brushed his hands on his coat as if touching her had dirtied them. "All you fairies sound the same. Or similar at least."

"So you haven't seen him around, either, huh?"

The captain blinked, taking notice of the fifteen year old boy standing in beside him. His young shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

"I did an hour ago, by the beach. But I lost track of him after that."

"Rats…"

Linebeck leaned back again against the tree while Link glared at his feet. Ciela and Neri hovered halfheartedly in the air, their energy wearing thin.

The spirit of courage, however, quivered slightly. This ridiculous game of chase had gone on for too long, a waste of time, and _still _no Leaf. Out of the blue, she darted up into the air and shouted to the sky, "FOR NAYRU'S SAKE, LEAF, JUST COME BACK ALREADY!"

"…I'm right here, guys."

Ciela dove back towards the ground in shock as the other three whipped around to the new voice. Leaf, the spirit of power, floated right behind them-and perfectly sane. No over-energized ball of trouble jerking about or babbling without a pause.

"LEAF!" They yelled and all pounced for him at the same time.

"W-whoa!" He dodged them toppling him as they collapsed in an unorganized heap on the ground below him. "What's up? Or down?"

"Spare us your puns," Linebeck griped. "You've been nothing but one thing today; trouble." He crossed his arms under his chin and moped with Link by his side and the fairies in their hair.

"For once, I'm more than inclined to agree with you, Linebeck." Ciela sighed and relaxed her wings in Link's hair.

"There's a first time for everything…" Neri croaked, and Link raised his hand weakly in agreement.

Leaf twitched in confusion; his memories of the past hour or so were hazy at best, as if someone had tampered with them to only move in fast forward. He pondered for a moment on what all this could mean, but then he shrugged his wings and landed on the small of Link's back. The fairy made himself comfortable and simply laid there with his friends.

Within his blurry recollections, he still recalled trying some of Linebeck's coffee earlier that morning. Well, he figured, despite causing his companions so much grief, perhaps he should drink it more often, considering how peaceful the normally dysfunctional group was.

* * *

**AN: Phantom Hourglass always has a soft spot in my heart because it was the first Zelda game I completed. Ah, those sweet memories...(except the Temple of the Ocean King; working under a time limit tends to put a lot of pressure on me.)**


End file.
